I got a comment on one of my previous mails. The comment is given below in italics.

I know this is late, but still...


You know what I'm thinking? When you/I/we say that love is "earned" by means of 'virtue', 'virtue' needs to be defined. And virtue - like anything else that is moral - is a very subjective thing. After what I've been through, 'virtue' has begun to acquire a new meaning these days. So, I think to resolve this argument -- for my sake -- for once and for all, let us try to define virtue.

Initially, I used to believe virtues could be 'counted', as in I could make a list of characteristics -- which I (again it's 'I' - a subjective issue here) deemed worthy -- and then say whether I loved (I'm talking of all kinds of love here) a person or not depending on how many of these characteristics he/she had. And then when he/she started losing these characteristics, I would then stop loving that person. I've since come to realize that this is wrong.

So, back to defining virtue. This is what I believe in now: the only virtue that ultimately matters in a person is whether that person is 'good' at heart or not. Again, by trying to see whether a person is good or not, I'm wary of falling into the 'characteristics list' trap. To me, whether a person is good or not, is solely based on the same three principles
Ayn Rand propounded -- egoism, reason and freedom. A set of core values -- that is all! And this is where I believe I'm making the shift from being judgmental -- which is what made me 'love' people on the basis of my 'characteristics list' -- to being perceptive and understanding -- which is what now makes me aware of the "goodness" in them.

When we start disliking people on the basis of the 'characteristics list', I feel we are being less understanding of their situation and circumstances. Like Atticus Finch, we need to put ourselves in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. What we dislike are merely faults in them. The faults don't matter -- they just obstruct our view of the bigger picture. Working on them does, however. And this is where the 'goodness' comes into play.

Not having the courage to make a life-altering decision might be an indication of cowardice, which could make you not 'love' someone. Throwing insults out of anger is also not justified, which could also make you fall out of 'love'. But when someone tries to undo every 'bad' thing -- by summoning the courage to make that life-altering decision, by regretting every insult -- that is when you need to stop, become Atticus Finch, and start feeling.After all, we are beings of emotion, even though we bide by reason. Maybe it makes us weak, but then it is also what makes us love.-- The double dashes give me away.PS: Turn on the word verification.

Now to my reply .

I realize the importance and implications of what you have stated above fully, It was mighty important for you to make the shift from being judgemental to being perceptive and understanding, that’s the only way you could have done certain things which you couldn have done otherwise. You believed in certain core values or rather the 'characteristic list' and am sure you still continue to believe them but you were caught in the classic inner conflict of heart vs mind(emotion vs reason). Your mind said that she doesn’t meet your characteristic list or rather a part of it and hence you cannot love her the way you want to but your heart refused to take this as a justification. Though your mind damned her your heart still longed for her and you had to come up with some thing really convincing that would resolve this conflict and this has to be done before taking any further steps. And trust me the explanation above was quite convincing.


You said "To me, whether a person is good or not, is solely based on the same three principles ,Ayn Rand propounded -- egoism, reason and freedom. A set of core values -- that is all! " You agree that these are core values , these form the basis on which a person should base his code of life. And I hope you also agree that what ever virtues or the 'characteristic list' we form, every virtue can be traced back to one of these core values. Lets say we call the core three as primary values and the rest of the virtues in the list as derived values. Now it is safe to assume that a person who meets all the primary virtues requirements would inevitably meet the derived virtue requirements. Now if you see that one of the derived values is not being met in a person in whom you believed all the primary virtues were met, then there exists a contradiction, being a proponent of Ayn rand its not much use to tell you that "Contradictions doesn’t exists' remember A is A . Then where did this anamoly creep in, the only place I see is that you have made an error in judgement when you believed that the person met all primary virtues.

You said " And this is where I believe I'm making the shift from being judgmental -- which is what made me 'love' people on the basis of my 'characteristics list' -- to being perceptive and understanding -- which is what now makes me aware of the "goodness" in them. " I have a clarification here what do you precisely mean by goodness here? You seem to suggest that charateristic list and goodness are two different planes . For me they are one and same, I don differentiate between the two for me if a person meets the charateristic list he is good and if a person is good he meets my charateristic list. Going by what I have stated, a person is either good or bad (absolutes black or white) but I guess you are ready to accept people for their varying levels goodness ( grey areas) i.e giving justifications to peoples vices and accepting them for the fraction of goodness in them, this is what I infer when u say "What we dislike are merely faults in them. The faults don't matter -- they just obstruct our view of the bigger picture. "

And to your final comment " After all, we are beings of emotion, even though we bide by reason. Maybe it makes us weak, but then it is also what makes us love." I believe being beings of emotion or reason has nothing to do with our ability to 'make us love' .

Questions ????

Why did it happen?
Where did I go wrong?
Whose fault is it?
Who is to blame for the state of things?
Where am i to find answers to all these questions?
Some body is accountable for this, who is it?
Why cant life be clearly visible?
Why so many grey areas?
I want every thing in black and white when can I have it?
Why do people expect so much from me?
And when they don get what they expect why do they get disappointed?
Why do they hold me responsible for atrocities in their lives?
Why are they so keen in passing the buck around?
Why do people always choose the easy way out by evading the problem or by just blaming it on others?
How can I ever come to terms with such a world or even if I can when will it be?
Why should I come to terms with this world?
Cant I be left alone and not be bothered?
Is it ever possible to live that way?
Am tired , I really am, of putting up an act every second and making a mockery of myself, my self esteem, my principles, my code of life.
When will I be able to live the way I want to?

I donno if I will ever find answers to these questions, but still outlining the questions that haunt you day and night does help.

P.S : Today is my birthday :) and i turn 23 :(

Numb 03:05

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithlessLost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressureOf walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I'veBecome so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to doIs be more like meAnd be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightlyAfraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would beHas fallen apart right in front of you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]

Every step that I take isAnother mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
And every second I wasteIs more than I can take

And I knowI may end up failing too
But I knowYou were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I just love this song and I personally feel this by far the best song by Linkin park. Have been listening to this atleast twenty times a day in my phone.

An End or a New Beginning

I have quit my old job and took up another job. One of my friends gave me an advice that I should treat it not as an end but a new beginning. I just got thinking that how can I treat it as an end, I mean what signifies that it has ended and what is the precise definition of end she was talking about. She gave me an impression as to I was going to severe all the ties with my current world and start out a totally new chapter, as if I was going to forget all the people I know now. Is it ever posible to comment on life, that this chapter has ended and a new one has begun? Just to draw an analogy, Life is like a book, ofcourse its divided into chapters but each chapter has its own relevance and its own bearing on the plot of the book. Can you think of a book in which the characters which appeared in one chapter never appeared in another? I certainly cant think of any unless ofcourse its a collection of short stories or a collection of essays. But am sure life my not a collection of short stories book but a single entitiy which has one plot, in such a scenario every chapter and every character are not forgotten when one moves onto the next chapter.

She just accused me that once I get on with the new job I would forget her because she believes distance plays a large role in keeping people together or apart, but I fought back saying that it depends on the people more whether they keep in touch or not and distance do play a small part but its not the deciding factor. But she refuses to believe me and she also accuses me that am not as sad about as parting as she is. Then I ask her that how can she say that? she replies me back saying that I don appear sad. I am kinda confused and shocked that she judged whether I was sad or not just by the appearance. She said she aint a mind reader and she can only believe what she sees. Well fair enough if she goes by "seeing is believing" then I should say that she is justified when she says that am not sad as she is because I don appear sad. But to tell the truth I do miss her and yes I have no way of proving it other than calling her up and saying that I miss you but well am not built that way and I aint even sure whether she would believe me when I say I do in fact miss her because my tone would still not be sad.